So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
