ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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