the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
