Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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