I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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