I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
