Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
