So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
do herpes really smell.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
