told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
