he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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