do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
