Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
