I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
