did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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