shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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