Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
whose parrot is this?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
