Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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