She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
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Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
If its not for food we ain't going out.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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