I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
