He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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