ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
