I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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