Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
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i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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