She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
