i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
