Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
