she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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