the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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