His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
