I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
