Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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