I wish i was in the wii world.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
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She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
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She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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