Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Randomize
