I just pynch a tree in the face
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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