so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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