Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
