drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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