So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
