Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
