I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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