walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
