Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
That's how pantless uber rides happen
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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