In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
