I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
