I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
