I cannot find my penis.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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