literally had 100 drinks last night.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
