So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
