We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
