i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
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After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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