If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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