Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I need a burrito and a hug.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He did a backflip because drugs
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
