i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
