No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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