Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
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I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
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I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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