Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
