It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
