Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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