tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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