yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
