she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
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