Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
