what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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