Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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