Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
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He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
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When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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