Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
