dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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