So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
