I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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