my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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