His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
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I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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