I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
