i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
