so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
