i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize
