I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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