Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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