That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
